just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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