worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
