I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
