mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
