She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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