what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
