The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
