Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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