it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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