Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He did a backflip because drugs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
