You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
