i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
