Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is Oprah even human
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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