just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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