So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
