from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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