My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
