i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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