alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
