I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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