Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
