So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
