I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
