haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
