Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
the raccoons are back...
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