Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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