$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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