What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
