This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
