I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
