She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
