he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
