You're completely useless in the revolution.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
