I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The feeling are messing with the penis
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
