marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
