i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
