The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
