Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
