One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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