Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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