I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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