Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
