4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
