I just cut my nipple shaving
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
don't judge my taste in strippers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
