I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
