im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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