you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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