Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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