dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
