Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
