Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
