So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
