i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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