I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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