Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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