So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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