He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
