Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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