"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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