How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
