forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize