if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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