he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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