I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.