The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.