Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
5 Insecurities That Are Ruining Your Sex Life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nikki Haley Calls Jared Kushner A Hidden Genius—And Twitter Ain’t Buying It
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life