Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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