im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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