Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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