guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
