I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my shit smells like andre
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
