Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
