he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I did not marry a roomba.
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