The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
