you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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