I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
