Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.