First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
